Chester French > Vampire Weekend

I was never the best pupil in school when it came to mathematics: there are many reasons why and numerous stories to be told, but the only one I can entirely recall with any semblance of clarity is a conversation between student and teacher about sphincter control…Quite…So applying mathematical terminology (no matter how brief) to the title of this was short-sighted at best, and stupid at worst. What I wanted to convey, succinctly, was my sudden preference for Chester French over Vampire Weekend, but the necessity of this explanation has somewhat rendered that impossible.

I’m going to avoid snotty detail and the excesses of hyperbole, because a good argument doesn’t necessarily need the crutch of impressive (read: pretentious) language. Besides, one can exercise a perfectly supple vocabulary without sounding like an Alex-Zane-Dave-Berry-Fearne-Cotton-Generalised-MTV-Arsehole.

Let it be known that, when the acorn of this idea sprouted, it branched out with three hundred and eighty-five separate reasons why I now prefer the Harvard-hailing Chester French to the Columbia University products, Vampire Weekend. For the sake of your eyes, and my fingers, I’m going to restrict the flow and cramp the furious delivery of ideas to a simple trio of factors which have formed the basis of my new found love: a simple, pop-rock double-act from Massachusetts, US of A.

1.) Chester French don’t – to the best of my knowledge – have a keyboard player (Vampire Weekend’s Rostam Batmanglij) who appears to believe he is in a perpetual Gary Glitter ‘Look-A-Like’ contest. He looks like he has the attention span of a 4-day old puppy and when watching them live, that is pretty distracting. Now, aside from Rostam sounding like a Bulgarian sea-port (yes, I had to check to make sure that Bulgaria isn’t landlocked), he strikes me as being entirely expendable: like Ringo Starr or That Other Drummer before Dave Grohl appeared in Nirvana.

2.) Vampire Weekend, for their only album to date, sound relatively fresh; Spin Magazine named them the Best New Band of 2008, while Rolling Stone named ‘Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa’ as the 67th best song of the same year. Lofty praise indeed. No, really! However, I rarely listen to the album without skipping the odd track here and there. Call me ignorant, impatient or brilliant. Though remember: flattery gets you everywhere. I’ve had Chester French’s ‘Love The Future’ on repeat for two days and my jaw is still on the floor.  Spiders are beginning to crawl in, and everything.

3.) Playing within my own predetermined rules, I’m limited to the things I can safely discuss, without turning into a frothing phallus of exaggerated praise. So, here goes: I presently prefer Chester French to Vampire Weekend because they’re better. They just are. For every one biblically-praised band, there are ten, perhaps twenty, who’re just as good, if not better, who miss the limelight because of an editor’s penchant or the lack of connections and the coattails to hold onto.

However, I’m not Stalin and this isn’t Russia – although I would kill for his moustache. I’m sure many would say Chester French and Vampire Weekend are as comparable as Cher and Snoop Dogg, perhaps many will, but in the mean time…

Give me two months and I’m sure I’ll be writing Band X > Chester French.